Thursday, September 25, 2008

I hate ESPN

I think E[S]PN is the biggest joke in the universe, whether it's "Titletown" or "Who's Next" or whether Jessica Simpson is distracting Romo or whatever MTV bullshit they're trotting out when they should be covering sports. Here's a nonsense puff-peice from their website in which the "analyze" some potential World Series Match-ups using the tired cliche of organizing under a mechanism they stole from the title of a Clint Eastwood movie.

TWINS-BREWERS: The Twins are a decent enough story, a young team that wasn't supposed to do anything this year after losing
Johan Santana to the Mets. The Brewers aren't bad, either, especially if they make the playoffs after firing their manager with just two weeks left in the season. Match them together, though, and you've got a dud of a World Series played out in small-market Midwestern cities that not even the super-sized presence of Prince Fielder can save.

Apparently, to E[S]PN, the quality of a baseball game is determined by the location and market size of the teams playing. E[S]PN, you are dumb.


E.S.K. said...

Welcome back, Chris

DannyNoonan said...

Ha. Was that Chris-like?

Chris said...

Hate to say it other than being much better written it pretty much sounds like one of my rants on the Evil that is ESPN

Anonymous said...

actually I believe the biggest nightmare would be a Tampa vs. Milwaukee WS.

But they would not have to worry about any bad weather games

DannyNoonan said...

Eh, maybe. I think the difference is in volume.

Anonymous said...

What, E.S.K., you don't hate ESPN?

E.S.K. said...

I don't watch ESPN (not since they used a Pirates-Brewers game highlight reel to promote Pirates of the Caribbean 2 on Sportscenter ) other than live sports, so I don't really care any longer.

I was more referring to the creative typing of "ESPN" than anything.

PaulNoonan said...

It really was Chris-esque. (Hi Chris.)

ESPN is truly the MTV of sports. They are what they are at this point, and I'm kind of with ESK in that it's really not worth complaining about, and ESPN is what the general voting (shiver) populace can handle in terms of sports coverage. I mean, ESPN actually employs some half-way decent people like Neyer and Law, but they tend to keep them hidden in a little internet box somewhere while they trot out Timmy, Buster, and Steve to say idiotic things.

They're basically a celebrity network at this point. It's way more about fame than winning. Way more about celebrity girlfriends and criminals. And to the extent they throw out a stat it's generally a worthless "freak" stat like "this is only the second labor day in history to feature 3 grand slams." Who gives a flying fuck?

In terms of good ESPN employees I like, in no particular order:


I like Van Pelt too, but that's more entertainment related.

Everyone else I could do without.

They'll always play down the small market teams no matter what because they're base is big markets, and even if small markets would factually provide a better story, it doesn't matter if Jeter is hooking up with someone.

You can see it clearer than ever this year. The Brewers are a GREAT story. They have a long playoff drought, they've been up and down more than any team I can remember, they made a big splash in free agency, they had a huge lead, then a deficit, and then battled back, they have flamed out steroid users, young stars (I'm already looking forward to Prince's first HR as a Yankee and watching Joe Morgan say "You may not be that familiar with Prince because he played in such a small market, but h'e one of the best hitting first-basemen in the game" when it is ESPN's fault that this situation exists), they strangely fired their manager right at the end of the season, one of their pitchers is coming back from a torn ACL the same year to make their most important start of the year...

And there focusing on who between the Red Sox and Rays will get the Wild Card v. the division, which doesn't matter AT ALL.

They are a lowest common denominator which deserves little or no respect, and is only valuable as an outlet for actual sporting contests.

PaulNoonan said...

"Their base," not "they're."

PaulNoonan said...

In fact, jsut ignore all my "theres, theirs, and they'res." They're all fucked up.

DannyNoonan said...

That's my point Paul. And what horrible use of "there", "their" and "they're." Now that was Chris-esque. (no offense Chris).

PaulNoonan said...

Yeah, the length of that comment caused me to type faster than I would have liked.

Anonymous said...

Sure ESPN has lots of stupid analysts, as well as some real good ones, but this piece is written by the AP. And while its poorly written, it is true that a Brewers-Twins series would likely be among the poorest performing matchups in terms of national interest/ratings. Also it would be one of the poorest possible matchups in terms of the quality of the teams (if you look at 3rd order record/run differential, etc).

edgrimly said...

I think that yesterday was national punctuation day.