Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Hair Of The Dog, Wednesday, October 8th, 2008: Low Key and Damp

Baseball is basically over, but there are a few more things to take care of.

First of all, I need to mention the White Sox broadcast crew. This year the White Sox hired former Cub color analyst Steve Stone to work with Ed Farmer on the radio. Stoney used to work with Harry Caray for many years and you will be hard pressed to find a better straight man. Stone also has an excellent appreciation for the nuances of the game. In general, I’m a fan of Stone.

His current partner is Ed Farmer, who is a clown, but this isn’t about Ed. This is about Kenny “Hawk” Harrelson. Hawk is the play-by-play man for the Sox on TV. Hawk speaks in a sort of low-brow, broken English. He will never be branded as an “elitist” by an opposition political party. He would instantly understand the language of Mike Judge’s Idiocracy. He did this to Linguo the Grammar Robot:

You get the idea. He also has the worst home run call in all of baseball, which brings us to the next part of our story.

Hawk’s stupid home run call is synchronized with his color commentator, formerly Darrin Jackson. It is as follows (phonetically):

Farmer alone: You can put it on the boarrrrrrrrd,

Farmer and Jackson together: EeeeeYes!

This home run call takes about 15 seconds to say, and typically the slugger in question is rounding third by the time they actually complete it. There’s also usually a delay while Hawk makes sure that DJ is ready for the "EeeeeYes!" I suspect they argue about synchronization errors during commercial breaks.

Next year, Steve Stone will be moving over to television to replace Jackson, and this could be hilarious. I can’t imagine Stone partaking of this call. If you know what Steve Stone sounds like you know that he’s almost always on an even keel, and for a home town announcer, he’s really not much of a homer. It would be very out of character for him to join in the worst home run call in all of baseball. As far as non-Brewers baseball events go, the thing I’m looking forward to the most next season is the awkward first home run call from Hawk when Stone remains silent. It’s going to be hilarious. Stone and Hawk both have strong personalities and have clashed with on air talent (and management) before. This will not end well.

Packer Problems

The Football Outsiders agree. It isn’t Aaron Rodgers. Did you know the Packers currently have only the 26th best run defense in football?

Viking Problems

Bernard Berrian had the Vikings' first 100-yard receiving game in in the last 35 games.

Miller Park Makeover

New Scoreboard, new High-Def, and new outfield grass.

Chicago Athletes Suck At Driving, Part 4127

Carlos Marmol was in a 2 AM car accident in the Dominican Republic. He’s OK.

Todays HOTD is brought to you by…

Two Brothers Heavy Handed IPA. It served me well on a rainy day.

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