Friday, February 5, 2010

10 Super Bowl Predictions

1. CBS plays so many CSI commercials that we hear the entire Who halftime set 32 times before halftime.

2. Tim Tebow’s commercial will end with the Florida star claiming that God told him: “if no one drafts me in the first round, I’ll die.”

3. Former Packer Mark Brunell will hold like a champion.

4. Indianapolis Colt WR Austin Collie will win the annual Animal Planet Puppy Bowl MVP. He will dedicate his award to the memory of recently deceased Puppy Bowl announcer Harry Kalas.

5. During the broadcast an announcer will awkwardly conflate Hurricane Katrina with the earthquake in Haiti.

6. If he has anything that can be considered even remotely close to a good game, Pierre Garcon, who is of Haitian descent, will win the MVP award.

7. Peyton Manning will lead a thrilling 4th quarter comeback for the win, moving him past John Elway and into a tie with Dan Marino and Colt legend Johnny Unitas for first all time in the category.

8. The world suddenly ends when New Orleans Saint RB, #23 Pierre Thomas catches 4 balls for 8 yards, has 16 carries for 42 yards, and ends the game by taking off his helmet, eliciting a 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty.

9. Curtis Painter uses his free time backing up Peyton Manning to paint.

10. After the game, Mike Bell visits Philadelphia, Drew Brees goes wind surfing, Melvin Bullit visits a shooting range, John Gill goes fishing, Roman Harper visits Italy, Justin Snow hits the slopes, Tony Ugoh buys a crappy car, and Jermon Bushrod does…uhm…something else.

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