Tuesday, June 30, 2009

If I were Mike Skinner,*

The British rapper otherwise known as The Streets, this would be my Gary Sheffield rap:

Gary Sheffield

Failed to produce the effort to yield proper results afield

Saving the proper wielding of his bat post Wisco

Am I being Clear? Crystal.**

The Cream that made him cream of the crop.

Not trying is worse than any steroid; team over all; team til we drop dead,

Even his rookie card was an error, Topps prophetic.***

Tanking in Milwaukee and Detroit, pathetic.

Worse than Pete Rose, Shoeless Joe or Big Mac,

The Geez

A hack, a saboteur of pastimes held dear

His crimes are unforgivable.

Mr. Sheffield, meet the mirror.

As for Jeremy Jeffress, we'll go with this one:

*Yes, this may very well be the strangest thing I have ever written. It happens.

**If Mike Skinner is talking, crystal definitely rhymes with Wisco.

***Did anyone else have his Topps Future Star error card? Sheff's head was slightly higher and there was an extra white bar in the lower frame. Here is the non-error version:


Anonymous said...

Pass the bong man.

PaulNoonan said...

Normally when we play the Mets (or wherever Sheff happens to be) my post just says something like "Gary Sheffield can go fuck himself." Thought i should be more creative this time.